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When I listen to the radio or even my own music, certain songs trigger my sex and love addiction.? It is not necessarily that these songs immediately make me want to act out and get close to someone in a hastily and malformed manner, but it generally does create a sense of unfulfilled desire or emptiness.? It triggers the thought that I, as I am, alone, am not good enough.? Good enough for what?? Sometimes it is happiness, to be loved, to have sex with, to form a relationship with, or to get fulfillment in life.? I start reminiscing on my past sexual and romantic engagements only to glorify and idealize them, forgetting all of the heartbreak, anxiety, discontent, dangerous situations, and health risks that came with it.
Maybe, all of this sounds peculiar, because a song is just a song.? Up until a point that is true?the radio was just a radio?but as I began to take inventory and look back on my own patterns, I saw exactly how the songs build on top of each other to build this sexualized notion of ?normal? life.? The lyrics discuss what ?most? people find important or how ?most? people live.? Obviously, when we think objectively, that is not likely the case.? Many people live fulfilled lives with a single or small number of sexual partners across a lifespan.? Other individuals find fulfillment without romantic lovers beside them for the majority of their lives. ?More importantly, many people find fulfillment that is not dependent upon their romantic or sexual ties.? Yet, when I listen to these songs, I get carried away with my own fears that lead me to act out.? Let?s just take a look at a few of the hits.
Adele?s ?Rumor Has It? features a story in which Adele is jealous and seemingly trying to get a man back who has moved on to another, younger woman, but ultimately Adele asserts her power by saying that she is moving on, even though she hears that he still wants her.? I?m not saying that this necessarily is over the top with its lyrics, but, for me, the heavy emphasis on emotional connection to the relationship and the separation triggers me to go back and rehash my recent relationships and intimacies.? Did I reflect that strength?? Would I be the man or Adele?
?Whistle? by Flo Rida asks an assumed girl listener to put her ?lips together and come real close? so that she ?can?blow [his] whistle baby.?? His loaded innuendos and generally degrading and assumptive lyrics are, in a way, nauseating, but simultaneously they remind me of my less favorable sexual experiences and start me on an unpleasant tailspin about how hopeless my quest for love and good sex found in one individual seems.
The next obnoxious trigger song would be ?Call Me Maybe? by Carly Rae Jepsen.? As described in some of the characteristics of sex and love addicts read at most 12-step meetings for the issue, the lyrics discuss a sudden emotional attachment to an individual whom the singer barely (or simply doesn?t) know.? She randomly meets someone, falls for him based on appearance in an intuitive and likely instinctual and superficial leap, and hits on him in a clearly sexual and romantic way: ?Hey, I just met you and this is crazy, but here?s my number, so call me maybe??? She says that she ?took no time with the fall.?? Culturally that fall would imply falling in love, but they just met, so let?s be honest: she fell in lust.? The dude is hot.? Well, random sex can be fun.? Hitting on a stranger comes with its risks of danger, rejection, and absolutely amazing sex with no emotional attachment?and that gets me thinking a lot.
?Somebody that I Used to Know? by Gotye simply messes with my head.? I think about the people whom I truly loved romantically and had sex with.? After we were bonded, I always did something to ruin the relationship that was linked with sex.? I was too focused, cheating, degrading, and generally disrespectful when it came to sex, and then, inevitably, the relationship fell apart, and I hurt the people so badly that they did not want to talk to me anymore.? This song triggers the shame and sadness about what I have lost, and makes me feel like I will never find love again ? and, if I do, I wouldn?t be worthy of it.
There are always the sex-themed classics that I hold onto and avoid like hell: Ludacris?s ?What?s Your Fantasy,? Khia?s ?My Neck, My Back,? Akinyele?s ?Put it in My Mouth,? Buckcherry?s ?Crazy Bitch,? and Rufus Wainwright?s ?Instant Pleasure.?? They?re explicit and seductive, reflecting the mentality necessary for a life of vain and vulgar random sexual affairs, the accumulation of needless sexually transmitted diseases, and an ever-fading sense of fulfillment and purpose.? Each song creates an image in my head almost immediately.
Maybe songs like these aren?t a trigger for every sex-and-love-addict and are perfectly healthy for the non- sex-and-love-addict to listen to, but with my head they are a danger that can quickly cause a dissent into dangerous thought spirals and desires that can only lead to negative emotions and acting out if I don?t take steps to regain perspective.
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By Anonymous
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Source: http://www.treatment4addiction.com/blog/love-and-relationships/sex-and-love-songs/
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