forbidden artsy: New Relationship, Facebook, Pictures Of Ex's...

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Today, 08:49 AM

? #1 (permalink)

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Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 4

I've been dating this woman for a couple months, everything is great. I feel like I'm letting my own insecurities get the best of me when I saw her facebook and pictures of her ex boyfriends kissing, etc...

I deleted all my pictures of my exs on FB because frankly in my mind, it's the past, I've learned from it, and don't need to see that.

She's even asked me why there are no pictures of me with girls on my FB, I told her because it's the past, I deleted them, and she said well they are your memories, don't you want to be able to look back one day when you're old and remember? I said, honestly, no, I'll be concentrating on my wife and family at that point...

Should I say something and rock the boat, or just let it be?

Today, 09:28 AM

? #6 (permalink)

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Join Date: Sep 2011

Location: IL

Posts: 597

Quote:

She's even asked me why there are no pictures of me with girls on my FB, I told her because it's the past, I deleted them, and she said well they are your memories, don't you want to be able to look back one day when you're old and remember? I said, honestly, no, I'll be concentrating on my wife and family at that point...

I'd like to know what she said to this.

Today, 09:38 AM

? #7 (permalink)

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Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 4

Like I said, the pictures are from 5 years ago, but they are a bit much, every other picture is of kissing, etc. So I can either choose to just let this go, not look at it, and forget about it, or rock the boat.

She said, I don't understand why people get so upset and crazy about a break up. I feel that if it didn't work out, then so be it. I don't need to have a ex-boyfriend fire and burn pictures, break things, throw away everything etc... It was part of my life, it didn't work out and that's it.

Today, 09:49 AM

? #9 (permalink)

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Join Date: Nov 2011

Location: Middle USA

Posts: 193

Some people just keep momentos. Some burn, get rid of any happy memories once a relationship is over.

Did you pitch your highschool yearbook once you graduated? Just because the pics are there, does not mean she is pining away for this guy.

In other peoples minds, that might be so. It's all about how her attitude is about keeping momentos. Some will keep letters/ poems, but no pics, some will keep movie ticket stubs from their first date. Some will keep flowers pressed in a bible.

Some people are very confident in their memories, and don't need any rememberences of the past- this seems to be you. But I don't think its a huge thing just because she deals with her past differently than you.

Would you two be compatible for marriage??- Probably not. But I don't think it should be an issue if you are just dating.

Today, 09:49 AM

? #10 (permalink)

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Join Date: Sep 2011

Location: IL

Posts: 597

Quote:

While what she says is true... you also don't need photos all up in your facebook profile either of your exes, especially intimate ones. You can still reminiesce from MEMORY. She's like a hoarder of past relationships. Like it didn't happen if she doesn't have a photo or physical reminder to trigger the memory.

It sounds to me like something you'll have to ignore if you want to stick it out with her. I don't think she realizes that something like this could be a huge turnoff for most guys.

Today, 10:48 AM

? #11 (permalink)

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Join Date: May 2011

Location: Texas

Posts: 3,516

Quote:

A little creepy to me because it is on facebook which is shared.

Is she still in contact with these ex-lovers? I would assume so and that makes sense. You have only been dating a couple of months.

I would see this as a huge issue if this gets exclusive between the two of you. If you were to become engaged I would expect her not only to take these photos down from FB but to unfriend her ex-lovers and no longer be in contact with them.

But you are not there yet. It is more likely your photos will be added to the gallery and the next dude will wonder what is up with that.

I do agree I would not be comfortable with this if I were "in a relationship" with this person. It would be at least embarrassing for folks I know to go to her page, a woman I am in a relationship with and see this display. But it is interesting and something to keep an eye on fi the relationship progresses. Ideally she will take these down at some point.

BTW, what does she have on FB as her relationship status? What does your status indicate? Is your FB linked to hers in the manner? I would not until she brought those down.

__________________
The OP was ready to live her single life fantasies by clubbing, drinking, spending a night in a hotel and sleeping till brunch. This doesn't equate to 5 ladies meeting at a club and dancing in a circle. -- Awesome

Last edited by Entropy3000; Today at 11:19 AM.

Today, 12:16 PM

? #15 (permalink)

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Join Date: Jul 2011

Location: Van Nuys, CA

Posts: 6,704

Quote:

I cant say that I agree. I have an old shoe box of old love letters from a guy I dated (but not involved with) from high school. The same guy I had been talking to when I met my now husband. It's sitting in the bottom of my closet. I don't long to be with this guy but I keep it around because of the memories. Same as my high school yearbook.

Yes, but they're in a box. Not up in public for people to see. Which lets other people know she's not that serious about you.

I have some things from HS. Not for me, but for my children to see that mom was a girl before she was a mom My mom showed me stuff from her teen years. I loved that.